Happiness

A few mounths ago I went on a surch for happiness, whatever I thought happiness was. i didnt know and that was the main reason I went on this surch.

Was happiness in the way that you left people feeling after you had been with them. Happiness in the way you lived your life and felt inside? I still am not sure. I would go into the garden and think about the word happiness, talking to God, asking him for his knoledge. I think that I wanted to have a lesson on how to be happy again, how to get my past happiness and contentment back.

Sitting in the garden, just me, my thought and God, all interacting together. I could hear the wind and everywhere I looked it opened new questions in to my head waiting to be considered and answered.

To my left stands a pear tree that bores succleant fruit each year. I looked at this tree, and in this case used it as a symbol for other trees. Although each tree is different and soecial with it's own talent to offer God. Just like humans. I am still not sure what mine is, although I know that in someway God will let me know.

This tree is so special to God. It can express it's happiness, it is able to grow by it's self, offer fruit, take care of it's self, even from a sappling.

Around that time I learnt that a tree can become stressed, it is called epicormic growth, they sprout from the ground. This is how they show stress, it usually happens when they have been cut to show their stress. They do this sprouting because they are worried that they will die.

I think we can compear a trees way of expresing it's self to that of human. We have ways to show stress and ways to show happiness, just like a tree. We are all God's.

This did not answer my question. I saw that everything around me was able to express happiness. Why? I brought old books on the matter and still did not find what I was looking for. But what was I looking for? Maybe reinsurace that the way I feel was acceptable and that although I could not find happiness at this moment, that maybe I was not meant to be happy, I was meant to feel how it is to be unhappy? to make me a stonger more understanding person. A follower of God. All followers of Jesus had to suffer in some form. If not physically, mentaly. Was this my suffering, God knew how much yearned to be happy and so this was a sufficiant way to suffer? I am still not sure.

I don't think you can have a lesson in happiness, but God and yourself build on it in a relationship, like building a wall with God, progressing through different stages and at the end you will realise what true happiness is, and that wall that you built is so stronge that you will neve forget, and nothing can destory it.