On the telly at the momet is a program on people in prison with mental problems.
It shows their everyday lifes, what it consits of and how people are treated and how they recover from a variety of problems.
It really got me thinking about myself and my own state of mind earlier this year and last year.
It was not untill more than half a year after seeing a pysciatrist that I was actually diagnosed with ocd. They had for all this time passed it off as depression.
When I was at my worst with ocd, I was really bad and looking back upon it gives me determination not to let myself deteriate to that level of thinking again. Of couse like most things it is easier said than done. I can see myself struggling with this battle for years to come.
This illness is so much more complex and confussing in many aspects for anyone to understand.
If I had not had the support and love I had through my bad times from familys and friends I think that I may be in the peoples position that I watching on the telly, not in prison but in mental institution. I was uncontrolable and resulted to many ways of releasing my anger and relaxing myself.
Anyone who has suffered from depression will know how frustrating it is that no matter how much you try or any one else trys you can not be content, you are always drained and somethimes feel very emotional or have no emotion what so ever. You never know what will happen apart from knowing that the days lying ahead of you are full of unbearable sadness. I had ocd on top of these already outlined feelings.
There were some moments throught everything that I really thought that I would be put into a institution, that there was no help out for me.
Seeing these people on TV, is actually reliefing in the way that I can relate to their feeling and emotions. Most aspects I can understand. There is a person who thinks he is the light of the earth, and I understand where he is coming from. I understand everything they are expressing.
Im glad that when I experienced all what they are now I had help on hand, guidence and support. What is there for them? Life must be so unbearable
1 comment:
It makes us realise that there is always someone worse off than ourselves doesn't it and yet that thought doesn't always help when you are the one suffering does it.
It's good to know that you have people who love you and who you can talk to if you feel yourself heading in that direction again.
I really admire your spirit Emily. You have been through so much by the sounds of it and yet you are determined to succeed.
I think you have a very bright and happy future ahead of you.
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